Saturday, October 20, 2012

To leave after all, is not the same as being left.




I hate the fact that you ignore me for so long then you start talking to me like nothing happened. I’m sick of playing the game of us being friends, to more than friends, up to intimate lovers but always ending up being strangers but then, there you are again. You came across entering my inbox last night which makes me ponder all the time I read it, you know one text from you is enough but, to make it two for today saying “Hellow..” it’s not good at all. It’s not like playing around with my naive heart when I haven’t forgotten a wink of you. Not even once. I don't know what you're up to. Yesterday was Friday and today is Saturday, the day we used to stay up all night hanging out together. It sucks how you bring back my old strange hidden feelings which I’m trying to ignore for so long and with just unexpected beep from you, you made me live again. I don’t want to assume okay? I don’t care if you miss me or just want to mess around or something. Maybe yes, maybe not.  Or perhaps you just need someone to accompany you with such time like this. Is this what are you trying to pin out?  If I guessed it right, I’m telling you I don’t wanna get involved then. You should know by now that I’m not the type to talk to when you’re bored because I’m not here to entertain anymore and don’t come to me only when you need a favor because I don’t like being used. You should bear it to your mind that I’m not just a bus stop I’m a destination. And if you’re not planning to take me seriously you’d better stay out of my life and never come back. I can't stand this kind of set up. I’d get so hopeful one day, then feel so much despair the next. Then the following morning I’d tell myself that you love me. I don’t know what to do. I miss you and I’m still loving you but I don’t believe you when you say you miss me too and love me either. I wanna see you, talk to you and share tonight with you.  What do I do? My heart is already scarred beyond repair. 

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