A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

Dated today its been 1 year on December 17, 2011 in the afternoon when we go out for another movie trip that ended up to a sumptuous dinner date and its as if were waiting for something to happen secretly that's why we decided to hang out with the guys and get drunken. Unfortunately we ended up completely sober which gave us way to shatter the silence of the breaking dawn at exactly 3:00 am on December 18, 2011. It was then that we lose control and gave in. Me? Yep, it was my first time. I'm so terrified that moment. I'm screaming on the top of my lungs and yet i'm enjoying what I'm doing and what I have had become. In short it happened I gave up my sacred threshold on him. And I hardly terribly miss the very feeling of you here inside me that forced me to do this on my own. (I'm sorry I just feel the need of letting it out.)

Yes, it started when we first  watched movie together, held hands together, ate together, walked together underneath the rain showers, when we drank together, kiss each other, caressed each other, made love together, slept together and woke up together.

It happened not even once but rather so many times again and again and again. Its not a mistake. I knew it's our choice. We became addicted sharing the same guilty pleasure without going further. But it was not actually my fault that I loved you. I mean it just happened. I don't exactly know how or when or why. I just feel like I'm romantically involved.

Saturday has always been the best day I've ever known and December is the love of a lifetime month for me.Going back to the way we were before it chills me inside and out. The lights on the road, the slept over, the drunken nights all of those things which keeps me go back to December all the time.

I wish I could see you again although I'm so much hopeless. I wish i could share a night with you again and make the most of it. I'm gonna drive you wild and loose your head. Were gonna do it like we never did before. Im gonna make you groan and moan the hardest. I'm gonna make sure you wont forget that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and so you are to me. Were gonna stay up all night and do it all again and again till we lose the same level of energy like  the only way we could stop is by breathing because were sweating  all the craziness all out until we gently close our eyes and fall asleep with the smile on our faces embracing each other while chasing all our breaths away.

But you know its still confusing when you can’t determine if the signs are for you to give up or just a test to see how long you could hold on.

I turn my back and walk away, away from the pain. Scream it loud, drown it out by the sound of the rain. Listen up, I've had enough all this waiting. I need you more right now than I ever did! Just so you know. I mean I wish you knew.