I'm still in the world where dreams are still better than reality.

I'm alright now. I had you in my dream saying those things which I'm not expecting you to say actually or is it because those phrases were the ones I'm longing to hear you say?  But hell NO! I didn't even consider you saying such things. Those words were out of the blue so tell me how could it be? Idunnoh I wish it was something real and sincere. Even so, I'm thankful that God heard my undying prayers of having the serenity of seeing you in my dream. And even if its just a dream, it feels so actually good.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

Dated today its been 1 year on December 17, 2011 in the afternoon when we go out for another movie trip that ended up to a sumptuous dinner date and its as if were waiting for something to happen secretly that's why we decided to hang out with the guys and get drunken. Unfortunately we ended up completely sober which gave us way to shatter the silence of the breaking dawn at exactly 3:00 am on December 18, 2011. It was then that we lose control and gave in. Me? Yep, it was my first time. I'm so terrified that moment. I'm screaming on the top of my lungs and yet i'm enjoying what I'm doing and what I have had become. In short it happened I gave up my sacred threshold on him. And I hardly terribly miss the very feeling of you here inside me that forced me to do this on my own. (I'm sorry I just feel the need of letting it out.)

Yes, it started when we first  watched movie together, held hands together, ate together, walked together underneath the rain showers, when we drank together, kiss each other, caressed each other, made love together, slept together and woke up together.

It happened not even once but rather so many times again and again and again. Its not a mistake. I knew it's our choice. We became addicted sharing the same guilty pleasure without going further. But it was not actually my fault that I loved you. I mean it just happened. I don't exactly know how or when or why. I just feel like I'm romantically involved.

Saturday has always been the best day I've ever known and December is the love of a lifetime month for me.Going back to the way we were before it chills me inside and out. The lights on the road, the slept over, the drunken nights all of those things which keeps me go back to December all the time.

I wish I could see you again although I'm so much hopeless. I wish i could share a night with you again and make the most of it. I'm gonna drive you wild and loose your head. Were gonna do it like we never did before. Im gonna make you groan and moan the hardest. I'm gonna make sure you wont forget that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and so you are to me. Were gonna stay up all night and do it all again and again till we lose the same level of energy like  the only way we could stop is by breathing because were sweating  all the craziness all out until we gently close our eyes and fall asleep with the smile on our faces embracing each other while chasing all our breaths away.

But you know its still confusing when you can’t determine if the signs are for you to give up or just a test to see how long you could hold on.

I turn my back and walk away, away from the pain. Scream it loud, drown it out by the sound of the rain. Listen up, I've had enough all this waiting. I need you more right now than I ever did! Just so you know. I mean I wish you knew.

Its 5 o'clock in the morning and I want ya. And you want me. Don't ya?

I've seen you at your worst, and I still think you're the best.

Don't play with a persons feelings just cause you're unsure of yours. So, I guess you're having a good time again back to your partner's life. I'm not mad. I'm just hopeless. You wanna know what I'm feeling right now? It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert. But I'm sure one day you'll see me smiling, and that's when you'll know that you fucked up.

...maybe it's only fitting that relationship that started with a lie would end with one.

Honestly I do not what to think. The man that I used to love locked inside my heart was not a dream come true anymore. I thought we only part to meet again but it seems like there is no reunion that will happen again.Okay lets break it down to a conclusion that he has a family. Before I met him he was already a father. I knew once that he was a father of a twins but to see what i saw last night, a father of four children? Oh crap! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel either. Although I'm not so sure about the number of children he have but I'm sure about the twins. This ideas driving me real crazy. I don't even know if he's married, separated, or just living in with the mother of the child or what. Now its becoming even more impossible for me to have him. He have lots of obligation of being a father and a partner as well , and I don't want to interfere. C'mon what should I do? Should I let go now? But I've been holding on for so long. I keep him locked inside my chest and it's him that makes me breathe all this time. But WHY? How many revelations should i need for me to let him go? WHAT NOW? :|

To leave after all, is not the same as being left.

I hate the fact that you ignore me for so long then you start talking to me like nothing happened. I’m sick of playing the game of us being friends, to more than friends, up to intimate lovers but always ending up being strangers but then, there you are again. You came across entering my inbox last night which makes me ponder all the time I read it, you know one text from you is enough but, to make it two for today saying “Hellow..” it’s not good at all. It’s not like playing around with my naive heart when I haven’t forgotten a wink of you. Not even once. I don't know what you're up to. Yesterday was Friday and today is Saturday, the day we used to stay up all night hanging out together. It sucks how you bring back my old strange hidden feelings which I’m trying to ignore for so long and with just unexpected beep from you, you made me live again. I don’t want to assume okay? I don’t care if you miss me or just want to mess around or something. Maybe yes, maybe not.  Or perhaps you just need someone to accompany you with such time like this. Is this what are you trying to pin out?  If I guessed it right, I’m telling you I don’t wanna get involved then. You should know by now that I’m not the type to talk to when you’re bored because I’m not here to entertain anymore and don’t come to me only when you need a favor because I don’t like being used. You should bear it to your mind that I’m not just a bus stop I’m a destination. And if you’re not planning to take me seriously you’d better stay out of my life and never come back. I can't stand this kind of set up. I’d get so hopeful one day, then feel so much despair the next. Then the following morning I’d tell myself that you love me. I don’t know what to do. I miss you and I’m still loving you but I don’t believe you when you say you miss me too and love me either. I wanna see you, talk to you and share tonight with you.  What do I do? My heart is already scarred beyond repair. 

But loving him was RED. Loving him was RED.

*DISCLAIMER:
I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED TO TAYLOR SWIFT / BIG MACHINE RECORDS / UMG. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED.

*So I did this because the lyrics itself speaks for me. I sought those photographs from all over the internet 'cause honestly I ant help but to totally relate my very own love story with this song. (I'm referring to you *you know who you are I hope so* so wherever you are, whatever you do this song goes out for you.) 
The song was really good and Taylor Swift what to expect?
She's A-W-E-S-O-M-E as usual! :">

So here it is lets give it up. (Hands clapping) :"3

RED by: Taylor Swift

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind

Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly.

Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn
So bright just before they lose it all.

Losing him was blue like I’d never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met

But loving him was red

Loving him was red.

Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted 

was right there in front of you.

Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words 

to your old favorite song.

Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword 

and realizing there’s no right answer.

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out 

love could be that strong.

Losing him was blue like I’d never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met

But loving him was red

Oh red burning red.

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head.

And that's why he's spinning round in my head

Comes back to me burning red.

Cause love was like driving a new 
Maserati down a dead end street.

 Hope you like it. Thank You! :)

I should have blame you for stealing the first kiss, but I just can’t ‘cause it felt so actually good.

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. :|

*DISCLAIMER:

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED TO TAYLOR SWIFT / BIG MACHINE RECORDS / UMG. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED.

This is what actually happened to us. :(

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, 

How we met  and the sparks flew instantly

And people would say they're the lucky ones 

I used to know my place was a spot next to you, 

Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat

Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

A simple complication, 

Miscommunications lead to fallout, 

So many things that I wish you knew 

So many walls up that I can't break through

Next chapter

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/taylor_swift/story_of_us.html ]

How'd we end up this way?

See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy

And you're doing your best to avoid me

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us 

Of how I was losing my mind when I saw you here

But you held your pride like you should have held me, 

Oh I'm scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing 

I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how 

I've never heard silence quite this loud.

This is looking like a contest

Of who can act like they care less

But I liked it better when you were on my side

The battle's in your hands now

But I would lay my armor down

If you say you'd rather love than fight

So many things that you wish I knew

But the story of us might be ending soon.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room

And we're not speaking

And I'm dying to know 

Is it killing you like it's killing me?  

And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.  

And we're not speaking, 

And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me?

And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, cause we're going down.

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

The End.

And I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

No matter what you do no matter what they say, My eyes adore you! :"3

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you.

Can you please forgive me with what I said yesterday? I thought knowing that you had children will be enough to make me forget about you BUT I am having this second thoughts again. I don’t know what’s with me anymore because seeing you with the child it looks like it made me love you even more.  I love guys who love kids and it seems like you’re the type of man I see in my daydreams. My father is a dear indeed he loves my mom my two brothers and his one and only daughter and that’s me of course. Even before I thought of settling down with a man who exactly possesses my dad’s traits of being a good son, a devoted husband and of course a loving father and I wonder if it could be you. I already saw your soft side being a loving father but I’m not so sure if you’re going to be a devoted husband. I hope you will. I don’t know the story behind your relationship with the biological mother of the twins but the way I see it I guess it was not a success one. I remembered the last time I told you about my friend’s boyfriend issue of having a child with another girl and I gave a negative comment on that but you stand me corrected and I refuse to listen instead. It was my fault, I should have let you express yourself about that matter and not discriminate having the “child issue”. Perhaps there is more of a chance that you came to admit it before me. I damn regret of not listening to you. Will you believe me if I say that I can manage to play the mother role for the twins? Yes, even though I haven’t met them yet l like them I adore them really. I never thought of being like this that I’m going to be capable of thinking that I can take care of the child that was never mine. Maybe because I love kids and really longing to have lots especially twins. If you’re not aware since I was young my only dream is to become a very good wife to my husband as well as a mother to my children and also I dream of delivering a twin fraternal twins actually that was so cute I guess that’s why it’s okay for me to take good care of your dear child and it doesn't matter if they were never came out from me.  See at this age I can possibly think of this c’mon Danica what’s with you? I DO NOT KNOW! Like THE HELL I CARE! J I just love him no matter what with no questions asks. And forgive me if I said that I’m no longer necessarily excited about your existence at all BECAUSE I’m starting to get excited again. And the more I know about you the more I understand and it makes me love you even more.

You will always be my Boo! :*

If  I were to describe you in one word, I'll choose "SUMMER".

Why? Because summer is more like of an ultimate one night stand, it's indeed special, hot as hell, totally thrilling, it passes by in just a wink, and all of a sudden...gone before you know it. Just like you, you're suddenly gone right before i know it. 

Did you know I kept all of your pictures?

Just because I don't have the strength to part with them yet. 
*silly laughs* deymmm!

Not to spoil the ending for you, But everything is going to be okay.

I stay away from you not because I hate you and I don’t care about what we had anymore, In fact I care, a lot. Deactivating my Facebook account was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. However this is the only way not to keep in touch with you even if I have the choice to do so. Bad thing is that I can’t fight the urge to defy the resistance of stalking over and over against your FB statuses and recent updates. 

Like how do you do today? Where have you been last night? What did you do yesterday?  Who are you planning to get along by tomorrow? You know just to get an answer to those questions that I always wonder as a part of being away from you all this time. But what’s the use of deactivating it when almost every time I fell like checking you I do? I don’t have the intention to block you just like what you thought.

Like what I said I just need to take some time. I just want to continue a new life becoming a better and better woman for you, because if I insist to keep in touch with you up to now I’m afraid that I might fall truly madly deeply in love with you not having the assurance that you might even feel the same way for me too. 

Although I’m not really sure about whom you’re talking to behind your mysterious statuses on your page, I don’t know why I still consider myself as a part of it. Perhaps, you may find it absurd but what a coincidence right? The ones you used to post on your wall were somewhat similar with how I supposed to mean to you. Mull over it, yes maybe I’m silly but what can I do? I just wish it was me. C’mon how I wish it was me. I’m hoping that it was actually meant for me despite the fact that we don't talk anymore. 

Even though I have to admit the fact that it threatens me the way it wasn’t posted intentionally for me and maybe for someone special which is so much important to you that’s why you keep on talking and care about it the way I didn’t used to know you. I’m lacking courage but I must, I have to win this battle. 

Though there are times that most of the time I can still picture us together. I wanted to be there for you whenever you needed me. 

I will stop the rain if you wish to see the rainbow and make night a day and day a night if you wish to. I'm willing to give up my milk shake just to have a coffee dine with you. I would still be willing to watch movies with you even if having you there beside me make me not understand what I’m watching to because reality of just sitting beside you is more like of a true fairy tale.I would rather drink and drunk myself to accompany you even though I have this poor alcohol body consumption. 

I’m always willing to take a long walk with you when there is no cab to ride on, I like it much better having our hands hold together.  I’m willing to go such places and get lost with you.  I would rather stay up all night and do it all with you, give you everything I have and lose everything that I have. 

I‘m willing to like the things you like the most and do it all with you. I want to draw your face a smile when your sad. I'm willing to embrace you when you need hugs. I want to freak out with you and  get wasted when you're bored. I want you to think that while I'm still here you'll never be alone. I want you to forget all that hurt you in the past. I want to be the girl you fall for when everybody else is falling for you. 

That’s the way I wanted us to be and supposed to mean to you. “May the odds be ever in my favor.” And just like you I want a new life to correct what went wrong in the past. It’s just made me sad because I have to come up to this point that I need to distance myself from you. Hoping if you care, you’ll notice. If you don’t, at least I know where to stand. I will miss you. Till we meet again. ;)

My stomach drops when i think about you being with someone else.

My heart has you always on its mind, 

But my heart doesn't have mind to tell you.

I know we're not close anymore. 

But don't you even realize how much I miss you?

I want to let you go. 

But something always pulls me back to you.

I want to be the one you fall for,

when everybody else is falling for you.

Relationships end too soon because people stop doing the same effort 

to keep you as they did to win you.

I'm sure if i saw you

Somewhere ten years

Down the Road,

My heart would still speeds up a bit.

No matter what I do I always forget to forget you.

But you're never there like you were before.

Can you tell me

How can one miss what she's never had

How could I reminisce when there is no past

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy?

Could someone tell me how can this be

How could my mind pull up incidents

Recall dates and times that never happened?

How could we celebrate a love that's too late

And how could I really mean the words I'm about to say?

I missed the times that we almost shared

I miss the love that was almost there

I miss the times that we use to kiss.

At least in my dreams

Just let me take my time and reminisce

I miss the times that we never had.

What happened to us we were almost there.

Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had.

I Never almost had you.

I cannot believe I let you go

Or what I should say I should've grabbed you up and never let you go...

I should've went out with you

I should've made you my boo boy

Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules.

I should've went on a date

Should've found a way to escape

Should've turned almost into

If it happened now it’s too late.

How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real?

And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel.

You seem to be the perfect one for me

You, you’re all I ever wanted.

You’re my everything, yes it’s true

Boy, it’s hard to be close to you.

My love, boy, it may sound crazy

But I’m in love with you.

Like we almost had it all.