Fading Photographs

Why is it like that? :\ As I look at your photographs, it’s as if I am looking to a stranger. I am looking to a man I didn’t know who it was? As if ‘twas the first time I encounter such face.

 Why I’m having this kind of intuition?   I thought I knew enough of you. But then again lots of question starts to boost my mind…Yes, of course I know about your name but I doubt it. 

Can we just simply go back in time?  So I would be able understand what’s going on right here, right then? And if granted by grace, I shall begin with asking you questions like this: Who are you? Where are you from? What do you want from me? Why are you here? How come do you got to know me? 

So I can have all the answers to my wonders by then. What have you done to me? Why do we need to go beyond that?  When it all did started? How long will it takes for me just to get over through this? :\ If i move on where do i go? :|

SO WHAT NOW? :|

Black Sabbath

Time had to move so slowly, unlike before its weird unusual; playing hard to last till dawn, wide awake and barely breathing with my lungs out during early daytime up to late nighttime. What a day of once in a lifetime sorrow. How I hate spending my Saturdays home alone! I spent too many hours in bed, now I think it’s time to go out. Did anybody hear me? Sigh! I said who cares? Yet something has to answer me back, it damn whispered towards my ears. You do stupid! Only you!The hell I’m surprised when I found out it was the same person it was me! I’ve been pathetically lost.If only you can see me now, here I am, nothings fine, I am torn, waiting for your call to cheer me up, to energize my gloomy blood.

I wonder where you are now. Who are you with? What the shit are you doing? What scares me most about distance is that it makes the other one forget. You know I really hate that idea. I just wanna be with you even for tonight, even just for once. Oh God, just for once please? You know I just can’t get enough.  I can’t remember anymore how it feels like to be spending overnight with him, after having a hard drinking session with circle of friends.

 Those pointless moments of waking up in the morning having him by my side, with his arms wrapped around me is the most beautiful possession heaven scent from above.   Any idea of how worst it is to miss the person who makes your every single Saturday worthwhile?

And suddenly with just a blink of an eye, everything had to disappear without any premonition; everything just got to be back to basic. Like Cinderella’s tale, while she is in the climax of dancing with her prince but the clock reached its twelve midnight with a given condition her fairy god mother gave her, she had to leave her prince though it’s against her will.

But I’m not Cinderella anyway, and I’m not living in a fairytale. So why do I need to repay the credits of once in a lifetime happiness? Though sometimes I wish I was, and it was, so I could hand down the word they lived happily ever after. Sounds cute isn’t it? Sigh!

Going back to my story, all I need is him. My man. I need his presence to touch my dying soul or else I would go forever lonely. Cause honestly, since then I’m nowhere good. It’s another downfall. And I need to be back for good. I know something’s not right. Wait, let me check it for a while, not yet the time for Holy week neither for a Lenten season, but why is it I’m having a Black Saturday instead?

Music Speaks For Me

I’m listening to the track of Boyz II Men the song is about the two couple being separated by time and didn’t even get the chance to  talk  for so long, not knowing what the problem was, why they have to come up with the scenario of once  being strangers again.  I can’t help but relate our story with the song. It seems that were reaching the point of no return and I hate how it sounds to my ears the idea about the word separation. The lines “Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry. We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives. Don’t do it baby. ”I really had to cry as I tried to read between the lines.  I know we can still work things out; we just have to figure out what went wrong? I miss saying the word I love you to you, and only you but it seems that saying how we feel towards each other now is no longer allowed. Why do we need to push love away? Why we have to deny the feelings which are already seen and too obvious? I’m loving you so much. Don’t leave me hanging on. :( Or maybe it’s just the other way around of letting us know that we had the right love at the wrong time???

I wish you'd listen closer to the songs I play, because the lyrics speak the words I fail to say.

Breakeven

Sometimes we need to be alone. Sometimes we just don’t want to be comforted because we need the chance to take it in. All that has been, all the pain left behind. The best cure is time on our own to analyze, time to pull ourselves together again and time to see that all we ever wanted before is now nothing but a little by little fading memory. As the saying goes before jumping into conclusions choose whether you will have a better heart or a better head. What if I want to have it both? Would it be possible?

How ridiculous as I suddenly figured out how wrong and how bad having the thought and idea of merely losing him would mean the edge of my death, because in the very first place before I met the person I thought who gave the meaning and color into my life, before the two of us crossed each other’s boundaries I have lived by my own, I already exist as one, I can stand alone. So how come the idea of losing the one that I used to love would mean the end of my world? Of course, somehow there’s always a part of me that needs to be filled up and complimented again but I guess that’s the way how it goes.

All I really need is a remedy and cure, knowing that only time can give me the answer to heal the invisible wounds. I just can’t help but wait. The problem is that we humans oftentimes tend to exaggerate things when in fact it’s so simple, really easy. It’s like mind over matter. If you want it then think of getting it, otherwise keep avoiding it. If you feel bad then frown, If you feel happy then smile, If you feel like laughing then giggle, If you feel like crying then cry, if you feel like loving then love, if you feel like missing someone then tell. So why complicate things? There’s no such thing as good and bad when it comes to loving. 

We’re all bound to be good by our own way. No one can dictate you what to do, how to feel, whether when you neither need to continue nor to stop. It’s just you alone who will decide for yourself. If you failed for the first time, second time, third time, fourth time and so on its okay, it doesn’t matter anyway. Nobody hits it the first time. Just keep pushing through. Don’t count on how many times you’ve been hurt, have been in despair, have been betrayed, have been wasted, have been dumped, have been nothing, count on how many times you loved and be loved, you felt joy and gave joy to others, you cared and taken care of, you’ve been a blessing and have been blessed instead.

Don’t be too harsh to yourself trying hard to forget, because no one really forgets, instead learn to accept. One thing is for sure there will come a time that you don’t have to be told; you won’t even feel the need for a piece of advice, because you know on your own that you’ve done so much. You have had enough and when that time came by all you can say is that “Thanks God! This is all I am praying for, you heard of it finally, and I am happy to let you know that I’m almost getting over through this heartbreak. Now is the time to let it go, no more holding back… and best time to start again. I know You have that new written story awaiting for me, far better from what I want it to be.” 

I Always Want To Talk To YOU...

No matter what time it is, where I am, or what I’m doing. I’d drop whatever I’m doing just to have a conversation with you. Why? Simply because I love talking to you. I love how we talk about the most random topics. I love how you know how to keep a conversation going. I love how we lose track of time. A simple text or phone call from you can make me smile throughout the whole day. I know it sounds rather silly, but it’s true. You’re on my mind all the time.